A Confession
I had a friend tell me this morning that I was overdue for a sabbethical update. She was right.
I've been toying around with a couple of posts over the past month, but haven't put word to screen. Why? I could say that I've busy with seeing friends, the holiday and dealing with headaches, but while that's the truth some days, they are really just excuses.
You see, I wanted to have a big reveal when I next posted, so I could say, "Look! See how God provided!" But my motivation behind that desire, if I'm honest, is not what it should be, which is to glorify God by revealing how He's provided, but it's really so I could say, "See! I told you God would provide! Take that, doubters!" I don't even know that I have many doubters or skeptics, I certainly have the greatest family and friends supporting me, and it's not even that I secretly doubt, I find that the root of wanting to be able to tell y'all what's next is simply so I don't have to feel shame over not knowing yet. I don't want to be honest and say that I still don't know what I'm doing next because I fear that by hearing that people will think poorly of me.
This is an issue. And one I believe God is working on by having this process take longer than I want. Another weeded area in my heart that He is tilling up so as to be the only opinion I care about.
So, there, it's out in the open now, I'm still waiting. Sure some movement is happening on the job front, and I'm still investigating potential jobs, but ultimately God has something picked out for me, and it'll only happen in His timing. So, I wait, and while I wait, I fight the temptation to be ashamed that I can't tell you what my job is, and in that, I continue to be refined into the woman God created me to be.
I've been toying around with a couple of posts over the past month, but haven't put word to screen. Why? I could say that I've busy with seeing friends, the holiday and dealing with headaches, but while that's the truth some days, they are really just excuses.
You see, I wanted to have a big reveal when I next posted, so I could say, "Look! See how God provided!" But my motivation behind that desire, if I'm honest, is not what it should be, which is to glorify God by revealing how He's provided, but it's really so I could say, "See! I told you God would provide! Take that, doubters!" I don't even know that I have many doubters or skeptics, I certainly have the greatest family and friends supporting me, and it's not even that I secretly doubt, I find that the root of wanting to be able to tell y'all what's next is simply so I don't have to feel shame over not knowing yet. I don't want to be honest and say that I still don't know what I'm doing next because I fear that by hearing that people will think poorly of me.
This is an issue. And one I believe God is working on by having this process take longer than I want. Another weeded area in my heart that He is tilling up so as to be the only opinion I care about.
So, there, it's out in the open now, I'm still waiting. Sure some movement is happening on the job front, and I'm still investigating potential jobs, but ultimately God has something picked out for me, and it'll only happen in His timing. So, I wait, and while I wait, I fight the temptation to be ashamed that I can't tell you what my job is, and in that, I continue to be refined into the woman God created me to be.
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