Be Still

Sabbethical [suh-beth-i-kuh l] noun:
     A sabbatical taken by Beth Schuette.

A nickname trend that started soon after I started at Cherry Hills by my students was to take common words or sayings and insert my name, i.e. "you're the best" became "you're the beth," "best friends" became "beth friends," etc. When I was talking with a group about my sabbatical on my last Highpoint night one of my students did the same thing to that word and it is now officially my sabbethical instead of my sabbatical! Thanks Topher!

When I was anticipating my sabbethical I had this vision in my mind of feeling how those people look in Coke commercials: "Ahhhhhhhh!" Coming home to my parents' house has always been a place of rest and comfort for me. Since college through present day, whenever I felt stressed or overwhelmed my first thoughts were always "I want to go home." There's just something about being here and being with my parents that has always felt safe and provided respite. This was one of the big reasons I chose to do my sabbethical here. For all intents and purposes I had every reason to expect to have this ahh feeling. So, why didn't I?

After my first two days back I thought it was simply because I spent both days more or less getting settled in. But still on the first "real" day of my sabbethical I didn't experience the ahh. Instead I felt discombobulated. This wasn't what it was supposed to feel like. Then I thought it was simply because I hadn't journaled yet, and what I really needed was to sit down and process with God. But even that didn't bring the blessed relief I was hoping for. I then went on a walk, which has become like physical journaling for me, and yet still I felt out of sorts. 

What I discovered as I kept hashing out these uncomfortable feelings was that I felt like I needed to be doing something. Understand this, I love doing nothing, so that wasn't the problem. However, I typically can't fully enjoy doing nothing until I have everything else I need to get done done (that's why my first two days back I didn't take time to journal or pause to process until I had everything out of my car, organized and put in its place). That's when the light bulb went off and I realized the something I felt I needed to do was figure out what was next! There was something inside of me that felt the need to get all of my ducks in a row before I could peacefully and comfortably rest for the remainder of my sabbethical. 

I imagine that God had a good laugh when I admitted that thought. Sure, that's the order I would love this to happen in, but His timeline is quite often different than our preferred timeline. 

If I need to have everything figured out in order to rest right now, I'm not actually trusting God. So, I confessed this fleshly need for answers, and I sat with this command to be still. The word still is a translation of the Hebrew word rapa, meaning “to slacken, let down, or cease” and often referred to battle images. When God commands us to be still He is asking us to stop our frantic activity, to stop our striving to figure out and to control. God is challenging me to be still; to let down my weapons of analytical thought, problem solving and constant obsessing and trust Him to act on my behalf.

If you know me at all, you know this is not an easy thing for me to do, but I've been doing my best: spending a lot of time in the Word, reading wise people's thoughts, and journaling/praying. I've had to confess anxious thoughts and ask the Spirit to help me take those thoughts captive and replace them with trust daily. But what I am finding is that in my stillness I am finally saying, "Ahhhhhhhh!"